Introduction
Welcome to Heal Yourself, Change Your Life.
My name is Brandy Gillmore, and after recovering from my own life-changing injury, it’s become my mission to share with others the same discoveries I made that changed my health and my entire life. Our minds are truly incredible. The placebo is proof of this.
Each week, I will take this simple awareness to a whole new level. I will even coach live callers to free themselves of physical pain using only their mind. And then I’ll provide you with a combination of practical and spiritual insights that you can use to master your mind and your energy to help you heal your health, yourself, and your life.
Let’s begin.
Hello and welcome. It is so wonderful to connect with you. I just Love that you
are here continuing to expand your mind, your energy, your consciousness, your
healing. I just love it and I just love today’s episode. Today’s episode is just
really powerful in that, you know, so often when we’re trying to create change in
our life or our health, we can have this feeling of just wanting to plow through
or just change it consciously, but not really understanding that those subconscious
patterns at a deeper level can really work against us in a big way and that’s part
of where we’re going today is just that deeper understanding that to create the real
change in your life you really do need to rewire your mind at a deeper,
deeper, deeper level and Further, what’s exciting about it is you can see that when
we really want something, when we really are struggling to get something,
it’s not that it’s impossible. It’s just that there’s that glass ceiling, if you
will. There’s that block. There’s the glass ceiling or the negative pattern that can
repeat in tricky ways that can really keep you From having what it is that you’re
wanting now of course the reason I say that it’s exciting is because the more that
you see it and you have the clarity And you see it and you transform it the more
everything can change And that’s the very thing that happened in my own life You
know I had felt like I was just stuck and trying so freaking hard to heal and Was
stuck and was stuck and finally started understanding and really gaining clarity of
what I needed to do and understanding the subconscious patterns that everything
changed. Now, prior to really figuring out how to use my mind, I had been
meditating for years and years and thinking positively and visualization and binaural
beats and recorded meditations and quiet meditations and silent Meditations and energy
meditate all of the things to try to reprogram my mind, but it wasn’t working Now
that’s one of the other things that I love about today’s episode. It’s just the
level of clarity You can see how you know things like meditation or positive
thinking or affirmations or All of the things the mind programming you can see how
of course they can have positive benefits, but if you’re not addressing the specific
patterns, the specific programming, that it can actually keep you stuck. And
especially if your mind is checking out and checking out in a blissful way and
checking out of life, it can actually then reinforce the problem and keep you stuck,
even though there’s also positive aspects to it. Think about it like eating broccoli
that’s dipped in like you know something negative. They’re eating a bunch of
chemicals or whatnot where there’s benefits to it but then also negative aspects to
it and so meditation or things like that can definitely have positive benefits to it
but we really need to make sure that we go beyond meditation to really understand
the mind at a deeper level or they can keep you stuck and that’s exactly what we
can see from this beautiful volunteer is exactly that is she’s been meditating for a
long period of time and meditating and her mind is just wanting to kind of go on
a mountaintop and check out and live in blissful meditation and then has linked it
up that life is painful, life is scary and what can happen is when we really do
that with the mind over and over and over and check out and feel bliss and then
look at life and feel fear and then check out and into meditation and feel bliss
and then face life and feel fear, we can get that soul linked up at a deeper
level that it actually makes it worse and harder to heal.
So that’s where we’re going on today’s episode is just going deeper and deeper down
the rabbit hole, the understanding of the mind and those patterns, etc.,
to really unpack this and look at what’s going on at a deeper level.
Now, our volunteer, her name is Melissa, and you may recall, I actually started
working with her on last week’s episode and what I mean by that is this, is
technically I only had one session with her.
Podcast episode one really long podcast episode I broke it into pieces and so on
last week’s episode we listen to that first segment of her session and if you
missed it I’d strongly recommend going back to listen to it so many people said how
much they loved the episode how much insight and clarity and how helpful it was for
them so just profound. And so if you missed that, I’d strongly recommend going back
to listen to that first segment. And so on today’s episode, we are going to pick
up where we left off from the first part of the session, where we’re talking about
exactly that, the meditation and feeling afraid to jump back into life.
So you’ll notice that feeling where she’s feeling like life feels unsafe.
And so that’s where we’re going as we step back in with our beautiful volunteer,
Melissa. Here we go.
So if you knew that you could experience more and more and more love, and more and
more and more love,
and more and more and more love, If you knew that If you absolutely knew that now
even as I’m saying this to your energy even your energy is kind of like it is I
can feel it Brandy. I feel the block there like as you’re saying I want to go
there in my mind. There’s some part of me. That’s like trying to protect me I
totally know but this is what it says. Yeah, I love your awareness. It’s like it
wants to just go be spiritual Can That’s exactly it. That’s why I’m like, I
associate all of this like life stuff, you know, of being stressful when I’m like,
I just want to go on a mountain and meditate and be left alone and be spiritual
and not in this stress stuff. Yeah, totally get what you’re saying. Exactly.
Okay. So, and by the way, I see this all of the time where people go through
meditation and they just want to check out and then they they end up it’s ruining
relationships and connections and like all kinds of things because they just want to
check out and that’s why I say you know what this is what happens though imagine
if I said I just want to go meditate on a mountain and be by myself and be
spiritual yeah or if I said I want to fall in love with life and have life fall
in love with me and have love and connection and sweetness and fun and feel feel
alive. If you think about it, imagine a 10 -year -old who says, “I can’t wait to
grow up and then just meditate on a mountain.” Or if a 10 -year -old says,
“Look, I want to go to Disneyland. I want to go do this. I want to enjoy. I want
to have love and passion and connection.” So the thing of it is, you’ve got to get
yourself to want life because even what you’re saying is this I want life but from
a mountain top where I don’t have to connect with life where it feels safe yeah
there’s this huge safety issue of a you know wanting to jump off and step into the
unknown and you know kind of stumbling so many times that now I’m like well maybe
we don’t need to jump off in the unknown and we can just go sit on that mountain
and be safe. The Earth is round! You’re not gonna jump off into the
thank you for your sense of humor.
All right, so let’s go ahead and pause it just for a quick moment. You know, first
and foremost, I love her sense of humor. I love her self –awareness. I love her
self -honesty just beautiful. Now I just want to provide a quick insight because it
seems like I’m laughing and being silly right here like the world is round you
can’t jump off and I am using laughter but also being serious because if you think
about it for a moment if her nervous system feels afraid of jumping into the
unknown that life is like jumping into the unknown and she’s feeling terrified and
feeling life gets safer to not be in life. And so that feeling of feeling terrified
can of course make it feel hard or impossible to really stay healthy because imagine
somebody’s nervous system feeling that way towards life. That’s not the place where
the body heals itself and so ultimately what’s happening is that’s how she’s feeling
towards life and that’s what’s got it linked up and so it’s this feeling of wanting
to check out of life and so ultimately you want to make sure that you’re not
linking up over and over that it feels safer to check out of life because of
course The ultimate checking out of life is not living. And what’s getting linked up
in her mind, or what she’s linked up by doing this meditation, is feeling like she
just wants to go live on a mountain. Which is another way of saying, look, I don’t
want to live life, life is too scary. But the truth of it is, is of course, our
thoughts help create our lives. And so, This world is exciting and amazing and how
incredible is it that our thoughts help create our lives?
I mean, it’s incredible and of course, we could look at it like manifesting, but we
could also look at it in a very grounded way if we think about psychology and we
think about repetition, compulsion, reenactments, attachment theory, all of attraction,
whatever you want to call it. You know, you hear me use the example all of the
time that, you know, unfortunately a woman with an abusive father may leave him and
find the abusive boyfriend, boss, spouse, etc. etc. Those patterns can continue.
Now, of course, on the opposite side, if we repattern the mind,
we could also have patterns of love and more patterns and love and love and love
and love and of course there are people who do have that. So of course we don’t
want to link up that life is not safe. We want to look at negative patterns and
get rid of the negative patterns and install the amazing loving incredible fantastic
wonderful patterns in life and flourish. That’s ultimately what we want to do.
Now what you’ll notice as we dive in even deeper is that she’s got some deeper
patterns that are really making life feel very painful and fearful and you know and
that’s the reason that she’s been feeling this way towards life. And so that’s where
we’re going as we step back in with our beautiful volunteer, Melissa. Here we go.
Yeah, I mean, it definitely feels like the blockage that I need to work with. But
this is the thing, right? Absolutely. Imagine. Okay, so imagine for a moment, if you
felt like you were very connected to friends, like you felt very connected, very
loved, very safe in your relationships, you felt like you could just be you and
connect. You felt like you had a loving, wonderful partner and you felt like you
had something in work with you were good at and you were just passionate about and
you felt that. Imagine, would you be like, “You know what? I just want to go leave
this and go just go hang out on the mountain by myself.” No, absolutely not. And
that’s definitely what I get in the sense and I know is that I’ve been hungry for
connection. I’ve been hungry for community, I’ve been hungry for good relationships,
good friendships, supportive interactions.
And Bingo, and then say that, notice that. And then you’ve programmed into your mind
the way to get that is to be gone. But it’s okay. So, okay, at a subconscious
level, I get that your conscious mind is like, no, no, no, no. I mean,
I feel like I keep trying and I keep, yep, okay. So bingo. So I’m gonna ask you
to breathe, bingo. So now I’m gonna switch this around for a second.
Now is the ultimate spiritual experience to be on a mountain by yourself meditating
or is the ultimate spiritual and spiritual experience, to be connected with people
and have harmonious love and connection and relationships and all of that,
what is the, like, notice for a moment, that is spiritual, it’s kind of like this,
imagine if a koala bear comes here and says the most spiritual experience I can
have is just to sit in one spot and just be here and just meditate or a cheetah
or a tiger comes here or any animal like comes a bird says the most thing most
spiritual thing I could do was just sit here but what if a bird was flying and
enjoying and like being a bird and like we’re here we’re human creators we get to
come here and be and create and do And so when you think about it like a bird,
like imagine a fish is like, imagine if it was like, I’m just gonna go over to
this part of the water and I’m just gonna stay here and meditate. Or if a fish
was like, I’m gonna swim and enjoy and be and, you know, we’re, this is our
spiritual experience, but to learn and do, right? Right. Okay,
so I’m gonna ask you to breathe. And if I ask you Zero to ten. How much you
still want to go just beyond a mountain? What would you say? I would say that I’m
understanding and I’m moving more towards the seven, eight side. However,
I keep getting stuck on the frustration of wanting to say, “Brandy, I’ve tried that
a million times and I keep coming up short.” Wait, I have a question? Sure.
So this pattern that I’m talking about with your sister and pattern of people
shutting you out. How many times have you changed it?
No, I mean. Oh, oh, you have it. Oh, okay. There’s that thing.
There’s that thing. Oh, and you’re going to miss me when I’m gone. How many times
have you changed that and looked at that? So think about this. Okay. You know that
people have patterns in life, right? Right. So, basically, what you’re saying is you
haven’t been able to run away from your patterns, and you’re kind of annoyed with
that whole thing, instead, you… So, what you’re saying is,
so I have this pattern, and now when I go into new relationships, somehow they
don’t feel like they’re working, because I still subconsciously have this pattern and
a new friendship that I’m like, “Well, I tried this for a couple of times and now
I can see that maybe this isn’t a good match and I’m getting more hurt than I am
love and I want to go back away from this.” And so, in every way, I keep going
back towards that thing that I can control, which is being alone and trying to make
that the most fulfilling experience because all of this reaching out to other people
and trying to develop things with other people and in other relationships, it just
feels like it’s continuing to not work. But if you’re saying it’s because of this
pattern that I’m bringing with it. Yep, you tell me. Do you see the pattern? I
wasn’t aware of the pattern, but now that you’re telling me about the pattern, I
can see the pattern now.
All right, so let’s go ahead and pause it just for a quick moment. You know, first
and foremost, I just love her. I love her. I love herself awareness. And so often
people feel this exact way that they’ve tried everything and everything and everything
and nothing is working. But when they look closer and gain clarity,
they realize there is this pattern. And that’s of course what personal development
and consciousness and transformation is all about, is understanding what’s in the
subconscious mind. Now, of course, most people cannot see what is in their own
subconscious mind, and that’s how the subconscious mind works. It is, of course, by
definition, subconscious, so it’s below consciousness. But that’s what happens when we
master it, when we really start to understand how to look into our subconscious
mind, how to identify patterns to transform them, so that’s what I love is that
that’s exactly what I did in my own life is I started just developing ways to be
able to understand what was in my subconscious mind and not only that but then to
clear it and rewire it and understand patterns and energy and it was pivotal and
What can happen, though, is that if we feel like we’ve tried everything, if we tell
ourselves exactly what she’s telling herself, if we tell ourselves we’ve tried
everything and everything and everything, then what do we see? That we’ve tried
everything. And that’s what she’s telling herself. But there’s patterns here.
And so you don’t want to tell yourself that you’ve tried everything. instead, what
you ultimately want to do is get more and more and more clarity, clarity and more
consciousness, more awareness. And so that’s of course where we’re going.
But just when we look at it for a moment, what can be tricky about the mind is
this, is that when a person has patterns, they can start to see that this is just
how life is. For example, if I use, you know, the same analogy or unfortunate
example that I’ve been using, the woman with the abusive father leaves him, finds an
abusive boyfriend, boss, etc. That pattern can continue, then that woman can start to
believe that, “Oh, that’s just how men are.” Or, “All men are just abusive
alcoholics.” Or, “All men are just cheaters.” Or, “All men are this.” Or, “All men
are that. Now, of course, that’s not true, but that can become their perception.
Now, in this case, notice how she started to feel like life is just not safe.
That’s a big belief about life that needs to be healed for her to heal.
And so you can see she hasn’t really tried everything Because yes, she’s been doing
the meditation and the herbs and the supplements and the this and the that and the
energy work and the yoga and all of the things. Yes, but notice, like she said,
she feels like life is like jumping off into the unknown. That’s not the place of
healing. So if we really have to change at a deeper, deeper level,
that is what’s key. We need to fall in love with life but also really change the
patterns and there are some other patterns going on that are tricky and so that’s
where we’re going and again I have to say I just love her, I love herself
awareness, I love herself honesty and I’m excited for her to make these
transformations, to see these patterns and genuinely transform them in her life And
so that’s where we’re going, is we’re looking at what are the other patterns that
are going on at a deeper level. Here we go as we step back in with beautiful
Melissa.
How clearly can you see the pattern?
I can see it in retrospect. I don’t see how I’m, when I go meet a new friend
tomorrow, How am I going to be bringing that pattern to the relationship that I’m
not realizing that I’m healing from it? How am I going to move forward?
So one of the things that I would say is this is that Can you see the part of
you that doesn’t feel good enough that also wants to feel good enough? So then goes
into a feeling of superiority. Can you see that? Yes. And if I ask you zero to
ten, how much you can see superiority in your energy, what would you say? Ten. Mm
-hmm. Great awareness.
So, if I just, you know, kind of talk to you, you know, just because I’m better
than you are, like that, how much would you want to hang out, you know, I’m better
than you, but I’m happy to hang out with you if you’d like, even though I’m Better
than you
Of course not true, but when if I’m superior to you how much do you really want
to hang out and connect well now? I was you don’t so maybe you’re not verbally
saying that But your energy says that like kind of like this if you had somebody
around you Who felt superior at a level 10? Do you think you’d notice it?
Probably. Probably. Let’s say this. Let’s say you felt, you had somebody around you
who felt angry at a level 10. You think you’d notice? Oh, definitely. Yeah. What
about if they felt sad at level 10? You think you’d notice? Absolutely, yes. So if
they felt superior at a level 10, you think they’d notice? Yes. Okay. I definitely
feel like that’s an element in the patterning with M2. Bingo. Mm -hmm.
So I have a question for you. What makes you a superior being? Nothing,
I’m not. Okay, we’re all amazing, right? We’re all absolutely amazing. Okay,
so what I would say is, the question you asked me is how am I going to do
relationshiping different moving forward, right? Yes. Okay, well I would It’s
definitely changed that because that is one of the things that keeps them backfiring
is because you’re showing up and not only that, but wanting to impress people. You
can see that or wanting to be more spiritual and more superior and more this and
more that. Okay. And bingo. Okay. And if I ask you also,
can you see the part that always wants to fix people as well? Can you see that?
Yes, definitely. Bingo. So, I can’t tell you how many times I have worked with
people whose relationships backfired in a horrible way because they always wanted to
fix people. Like, it is so common. And let me give you an example. So I’m going
to ask you to close your eyes.
And I want you to picture that you have an interior designer come over for dinner.
Your friend is an interior designer. So your friend, you invite a friend over who’s
an
comes over for dinner and she says oh you know what I was just looking at your
sofa and I really think you should change that and by the way that picture you
have up on the wall you know you really should if you change that out to something
different wow that would be oh and by the way the kitchen I think with the kitchen
this is what now if I ask you how do you feel about that I
mean how would you feel how would you feel I think that it depends if because
you’re actually hit on something that I’m not very good at and I don’t want to
commit to which is interior decorating so I’ve been sort of a question I got you
but if somebody comes over and then search then no obviously I mean if someone’s
coming over giving unsolicited advice and sort of insulting the things that I like
then no I wouldn’t be very open to their suggestions. Exactly now how many more
times do you want to have that person over for dinner? Yeah exactly not. Now
exactly but let’s say you guys are having dinner and in the middle of dinner you
say hey I was thinking about putting this picture up over the year over the sofa
or what now what do you think and then she gave you advice how would you feel
about that? Absolutely different because I asked for it. Yeah. Exactly. Okay. So you
asked, again, you asked how do I need to do relationshiping different to create a
different outcome? Advice?
Okay. Absolutely. Because when it goes back to the interior designer, she says, well,
I’m just trying to give you some help. How many, how, especially, let’s say, every
time she comes over, she’s like, oh, you should do this, you should do that.
Honestly, how many more times do you want to invite her? Right. If I’m not asking
for the help, then no. Exactly. Exactly, right? And that’s, yeah, I mean, when I go
to social events, I’m not giving people advice at all. Like, no, I’m just showing
up and just, I’m just being present. Right? So, I’m going to ask you to breathe.
And so now let’s say that Interior designer, she’s better than you by the way, has
a superiority energy about a level 10 And she’s giving you advice about your house.
Right. No good. No good.
Okay, great. So what I would say is be willing to get good at relationship. Does
that make sense? Okay. Absolutely. Great So you see these things how probably they
didn’t work out so well, right?
All All right, so let’s go ahead and pause it just for a quick moment. You know,
again, I just absolutely love herself awareness. I love herself honesty. It’s
brilliant, it’s beautiful, and there’s a few things. You know, first and foremost,
this superiority, inferiority, all of that going on. Of course, I feel it in her
energy. See it very, very, very clearly in her energy as this pattern, and the
thing you want to keep in mind is it’s not just her all of the time. I’ll see
people feel that exact way where they feel the sense of inferiority. So they’re
trying really hard to be superior or trying to give others advice or whatnot and
they get stuck in these spirals. Now it is so common that on the last IQ episode
on the episode from a few days ago, the short IQ episode, I actually did an
episode on this very topic of just not needing to fix people,
not needing to give advice, not needing to point out other people’s issues or
problems or whatnot, but just accepting them how they are and not needing to change
them and instead just having humor, being playful, being able to connect. Because
that’s what relationship being is really all about. The better we can just connect
and enjoy and show up and have fun and love, the better our relationships are from
that space. And so by the way, if this is an issue for you, I’d strongly recommend
making a point to listen to the last IQ episode if you happen to miss it because
this issue is not small. I’ve seen people who have been diagnosed with all kinds of
things that was connected to this very thing of just trying to fix others and give
advice to others and so much so that they were pushing everybody away and then it
was creating more and more illness and problems and hurt, etc. I can’t tell you how
many times I’ve seen that. So just food for thought. And what you also notice is
sometimes the patterns show up in very tricky ways. And so that’s where we’re going
as we step back in with beautiful Melissa. Here we go.
Now, This is what’s great. It’s like anything in life. We can get good at math. We
can get good at science. We can get good at writing or all these things and we
can get good at people, right? And so, when you think about it for a moment,
Bingo. I’m going to ask you to close your eyes.
And I want you to think about what that looks like for you to just say, “Okay,
I’m going to get good at the skill of people.” And you just really decide, and I
know I have a tendency to create a verb with everything, but it’s because we’re
doing it and being it, right? So you’re peopeling, okay? And so I’m going to ask
you to breathe. Now when you think about it and you said, “Okay, here are some
obvious things that I could change.” And not only that, but this pattern. So if I
start actually changing these things, I could get really good at peopeling. Now how
does that feel to
It feels good. Yeah, I do feel a little bit of confusion and some frustration
because I do feel like that is how I have approached Recent relationships in the
last year or so. I feel like with past relationships like with my sister I
definitely did not approach it that way. So I would say that there’s been a shift
in how I’m approaching relationships in the last year or two, that is,
is much more humble. And I feel like the relationships that I’ve had recently,
people are very happy with me. I feel like it’s me that feels that I’m not getting
enough out of the relationship. Okay. And a few things,
Pinga. And, And if I ask you, what are you supposed to be getting out of the
relationship?
Meaning the same level of support that I’m giving the other person or the presence,
or just the level of connection and friendship that I might be looking for. I don’t
feel like it’s often reciprocated. Okay.
All right, so let’s go ahead and pause it just for a very very very quick moment
What I want to point out is this is notice for a moment there is this pattern of
superiority and Notice it’s showing up in a different way Which is right here in
this moment It’s showing up in the feeling of feeling like I’m being a better
friend, so to speak, where she says, you know, I’m doing this and I’m doing that
and they’re just not showing up as very good friends. And so that’s part of the
pattern. And of course, part of the other pattern is this feeling of feeling like
nobody’s loved her and nobody’s been there for her. So my point is, is even when
she thinks that she’s getting rid of the pattern, it’s still there and it’s showing
up in different ways. Now, notice she’s trying different behavior where she says,
okay, well, I am trying to show up more humble, but then the superiority is going,
oh, well, I’m a better friend because of this. I’m a better friend. Now, why am I
pointing that out? I’m pointing that out because even though she’s trying to change
her actions. She hasn’t changed her energy towards it, her emotions towards it,
so you notice as she’s talking about this there’s still a lot of hurt and upset
and emotion and energy about this whole thing. It’s just showing up in a different
way and of course it’s not just Melissa. That’s everybody. That’s how patterns work
And so ultimately to create a real transformation, what we need is not just
behavior, yes, that’s important. We need to change both the inside and the outside.
So we really have to take these emotional, energetic patterns and really shift them
so we feel different. So we’re programmed differently. So what happens is the more
we change our programming, the more we show up in a different way but the more
also as we’re changing our programming and our emotions we really feel differently
and of course as you can hear with all the emotion that she has towards these
things these patterns that has not yet changed and transformed and so that’ll be key
for making this real transformation. But what can happen is of course the mind can
get really stuck. It can feel stuck on deserving or expectations or what it feels
it’s supposed to get. And so it can be a bit tricky because a lot of times people
can hold on to the negativity and instead of letting it go and seeing it in a
different way. And so that’s where we’re going as we step back in with our
beautiful volunteer, Melissa. Here we go.
Now, it sounds like you’re talking about a transaction.
Okay, so what would happen if you showed up to a relationship and
you’re just making a point to have a great connection to have a great time like in
other words it’s kind of like this what you just said to me is you said you’re
needing more support from your friendships right yes okay and I would say that
that’s interesting like if you ask me how much I ask for support in my friendships
I would say wow I never even actually, what do I need support for? I can stand up
on my own, what do, what, like if you, I mean, are my people around me like,
like we connect, like, do I think, oh, I need support from them? For what?
Now we get together, we connect, we, like, I want to be present, we can have a
good time, and I mean, sure, if I needed thing? Sure, and this is the thing. If I
needed something, could I call them and say, “Hey, I need something,” but I guess I
don’t have that energy of needing things from that. I don’t need them to be
anything other than fun, or funny, or playful, or present, or… An example of what
I mean, what I mean by that. Would that help or not important?
I would say, give me one second.
I would say not important and this is the reason why so I’m going to ask you to
close your eyes and
Notice part of what you’re really saying is when you’re not feeling quote -unquote
supported is you’re saying I still don’t feel loved enough Exactly, okay So what
you’re saying to me is really I still have this pattern And, and all I need in
friendships is I just need them to stand on the top of Mount Everest and then just
say that they love me and that would then make me feel loved. In other words, what
I’m saying to you is I feel loved in my friendships without them needing to go an
extra mile or two or three. But I already, I mean, even a veil, like if I’m going
through Like health testing and people tend to want to pull away from me or shy
away from me because they don’t want to deal with Listening to someone who is sad
or upset or concerned about their latest biopsy Yeah, can I tell you?
It’s not a bad thing and this is why is They notice how you’ve used illness as a
connector with people. Can you see that? Okay. So it’s kind of like,
so, so what I would say is, bingo, number one,
it goes back to the pattern of you’re going to miss me when I’m gone, because then
it’s like, oh, you weren’t here. Well, then fine, you’re going to miss me when I’m
gone. Something happens to me. So I would say that has to do with that pattern.
But the other thing is, this is this, is that it’s
kind of like this.
Okay, why because this because again it gets linked up kind of like this is
That if somebody gets love for illness, how soon do they want to get rid of the
illness? Right understood. Okay. I got you so basically what you’re saying is I have
illness and you’re supposed to love me for it
So you expect them, so watch this, if I have a hangnail, are you I expect you’re
going to come support me with that, right? Right, right, right. Now, why have I put
those demands and expectations on you? And if you don’t do that, by the way, if
you don’t come support my hangnail, I’m going to be very upset with you because
those are my rules. I get exactly what you’re saying and and it totally makes
sense. I think what I have found myself in situations, for example, when my husband
died or when I’ve gotten cancer the several times, and I’m looking around and I
need a friend to help me go to the grocery store or help me bring some garbage
out because my physical body is literally too weak and I don’t have anybody here
that I can depend on. – Do you the truth? Where? Yes, of course. The truth is,
I would not expect for my friends to do it or be it. I would,
but see, I’m not somebody who assigns my friends jobs that they didn’t sign up for.
Okay, help me with this. Help me understand. Okay. Yes. So, so even I have to tell
you, like when I was injured, I doing online there was like a grocery store like
ordering things online so there was that and did I have some people come and
volunteer to help I did I absolutely did and like my brother was like there was
multiple people who were there for me in wonderful ways but the thing of it is
there’s a couple things number one you’ve had a pattern of feeling like nobody’s
there for you since you were five. Exactly. Agreed.
All right, so let’s go ahead and actually pause the session right here. You know,
first and foremost, I just love her. I love herself awareness. I love herself
honesty. And I also just love the awareness that you can see this,
that even when there’s somebody who’s a beautiful being who’s loving and kind and
sweet and a good person that we can still have these patterns of feeling unloved or
feeling like nobody’s there or feeling hurt or feeling whatever it is it’s like even
if we’re a great person these patterns can still show up in life Because that’s how
energy works. That’s how patterns work at a deeper, deeper level. And so I want to
pause the session right here because I want to give you a moment to also reflect
on this in your own life and think about your relationships. You know, when you
show up in a relationship, ultimately what you want to do is just show up and be
willing to create fun, to create happiness, to create love, to create joy,
to create bonding, because when you give to your relationships in that way,
it can show up in that way. Does that mean that they’re always, always, always
going to be fun? Well, hopefully, maybe not always perfect and always,
but when you start from that foundation, when you have a loving,
sweet, caring bond and it feels good. That has so much room to flourish and weather
the times that don’t necessarily feel good as well. And so that’s something that I
want to invite you to look at. Now, of course, as we can see in this situation,
there are multiple things going on. So many things. So I want to give you a couple
ideas here of patterns to think about. Now,
Let’s look at the pattern of love for a moment and how it can get linked up to
illness because this is so common.
And notice what we want to look at. Obviously, if we look at Melissa, she does not
want to get love through illness, but she also does want to and expects,
she has this feeling that says, “If I’m sick, I deserve for people to do these
things,” like she has that expectation like people should. And that’s linked up.
Now, the reason this is a problem is this.
Imagine for a moment, let’s look at the bigger picture. An easy way to think about
it is like this. If you think about earlier in the session, she mentioned that
she’s been craving love, community, connection. She’s been craving that she’s been
feeling unloved unsupported disconnected alone. She’s been craving Community now
imagine, you know when you stop and think about it. We need love and connection
just like we need water We need oxygen we need love that is medically proven.
You know if an infant doesn’t get enough love They can actually die from not having
enough love and connection So we to love and so she is craving love and connection
and I get it and so she’s craving that now in her mind she’s saying it’s really
hard to get hard to get and then she’s saying that if she has illness she expects
to get it she expects that people will be there for her now the reason this is a
problem obviously She doesn’t want it to be like this. But the reason this is a
problem is because it’s linked up in her subconscious mind. And so her mind feels
like it deserves it.
Let me explain. Let me add to it to kind of help paint the picture, if you will.
Imagine if somebody says if they wear an orange shirt that they deserve to get a
flower. They’re wearing an orange shirt so they deserve to get a flower. Now if
somebody is really really really craving flowers how much would they want to put on
an orange shirt? Well they would definitely want to if in their subconscious mind if
they put on an orange shirt they deserve a flower. So similarly in Melissa’s life
where she’s feeling this craving of connection and connection and she’s not getting
it at a deeper level in her subconscious mind. She has a belief that says she
expects, that she deserves, that if she’s sick, that people are supposed to be there
for her. So even though she consciously doesn’t want to be sick, her subconscious
mind says, “Well, I know how to get people to be there for me. I just have to be
sick.” And that’s part of the reason that her mind also wants to keep going back
to illness. It doesn’t make logical sense and clearly. That’s not what she
consciously wants. I mean, she wouldn’t be here if she wanted to be sick. She would
not be here at all. She wouldn’t be working so hard on healing if she consciously
wanted to be sick, but you can see in her subconscious mind that it is that both
things are true, that she’s craving love and connection. So she feels like that’s
missing and that her subconscious mind says, “If I’m sick, people are supposed to do
this for me so that is linked up it’s tricky and it doesn’t make logical sense but
subconscious linking is what happens when it’s linked up it’s linked up it’s what
your subconscious mind will want to move towards and again it’s not like she’s
linked up this information in her subconscious mind on purpose it is very
subconscious, just like she wants to feel love and connection. It’s going opposite of
the way that she is wanting because of these deeper patterns. And so obviously her
health, she’s pushing and drawing and doing everything and everything to try to heal.
And so what I’m saying, it just gets linked up at a deeper level. And you know,
another example to think about it is also in this way. I have worked with people
who even, like one gentleman, an elderly man who’s very,
very, very extremely wealthy and decided he just didn’t want anybody around.
He just, he had enough money, he had whatever he wanted. He just wanted everybody
to just go away. The problem is, is that we need love and connection.
Just like we need oxygen, just like we need water. We need love and connection. And
so his body, in his case, wanted to keep coming up with health issues because he
needed some type of connection and his conscious mind just wanted people to go away.
So my point is, is again, that need for love and connection, the subconscious mind
will respond in ways to get it even if we don’t consciously agree.
It’s like if somebody said they, you know, somebody needs oxygen and their
subconscious mind wants oxygen and wants oxygen and there’s not enough oxygen, but
there’s oxygen that’s hidden in the closet on the side, well then they’re
subconsciously going to want to go towards that closet where all the oxygen is
because their subconscious mind needs that oxygen and the same is true with love.
And it can get linked up even when the conscious mind doesn’t want to.
And another example that you’ve probably heard me use on past episodes is this, is
if you picture even a child who has an awi. So let’s say there’s a child,
a little two year old who falls and they get an awi. And then a loving adult
comes by and says, you know, let me kiss it and make it better. What happens in
that moment, a loving adult that says, you know, let me kiss it and make it
better. At that moment, love can get linked up to illness because those two things
happened at the same time. Or by the way, if you’ve even seen before like a little
child, we get an Owie and they go, Oh, can you kiss it? Can you kiss my Owie or
my boo boo and make it better? What happens? Love gets linked up to illness and so
it’s not on purpose but what can happen is this child can then grow up and and
let’s say this child is becomes you know the person becomes 30 40 50 years old and
they find themselves in a place where they’re lonely and disconnected in life so
they’re lonely and they’re disconnected and their subconscious mind wants more love
and connection and it’s trying to get love and connection and it’s not getting it,
not getting it. So the subconscious mind says, “Oh, I know how to get love and
connection. I remember when I was two. Oh, I just need an owie.” And so on a
subconscious level, the subconscious mind may feel like it needs illness to get love.
And so notice how the link, it’s linked up. And so even in her situation,
notice how where she’s saying, well, if I’m sick, people are supposed to do this
and this and this and this and this for me. Well, that’s her belief. Like I don’t
have that belief. I didn’t have that going through my injury. I didn’t expect for
anybody to do anything for me. I’m very independent. I didn’t expect that of my
family or friends. Now, did I have people show up? Yes, but it wasn’t linked.
And my links were different than hers for illness. So I’m not saying everybody who
has illness has love linked to it. Some people do. Some people don’t. As you know,
you’ve probably seen, you know, there are some people who become ill and they just
isolate themselves, don’t want to be around anybody. And that was more how I was.
I didn’t want people to know I was sick or injured. I just kind of like
disappeared. And of course I had help, but My point is just simply is that the
subconscious mind can do things even if we’re not on board with it But once they
get linked up in the subconscious mind our mind can Can want it and if you notice
Very simply big big picture to simplify it We can see that in the mind where
there’s a feeling of feeling Where she mentioned earlier on, she’s craving love,
connection and community. And you can also see right here that she has a rule in
her mind that her friends are supposed to do that if she’s sick. And
I’m not saying that they should or shouldn’t. I’m just saying that is a rule in
her mind. And when you get that linked up, the mind then can create illness because
it feels like it. That’s how it can get love and connection. And so just food for
thought. I know it can be extremely counterintuitive, but that’s the point. It’s like
kind of like this. Some people, they feel like they might on a different note, um,
feel like they deserve to be angry or they deserve to be upset or they deserve
sympathy or they deserve this or, you know, everybody has their own mindset for it,
their own programming and that is the point is to really change and transform the
programming and that’s ultimately what you want to do is exactly that so the insight
or the takeaway that I want to invite you to take from this is just even writing
down a few positive ways of things that you can contribute to your relationships
that don’t require a quote unquote give, but it is a give,
but don’t require giving anything to care give or to do or to be for others.
So in other words, my point is, have you ever seen people in relationships where
they feel like to be valuable in a relationship, they have to care give, they have
to do something for others. “Oh, let me do this for you, let me do this for you,”
or they have to give advice, or they have to… But really, having relationships
could be, and is in its best form, is showing up and saying, “How do I have a
great time with this person? How do I listen and understand them and laugh and
really just contribute fun and connection or kindness or happiness?
How can I do that.
And that feeling of feeling that you are enough, that feeling of feeling that that
is enough in relationship is huge. That feeling of feeling that that is the true
give is huge in some ways. And so that’s what I want to invite you to look at in
your life because truly I mean I just you may have heard on the last episode I
just went to my brother’s wedding and it was beautiful it was just it was beautiful
in that it was so much love it was a love fest and it was so sweet and it was
around all of my family and there in her family like his bride’s family and it was
just the two families got together and it was it was just unity.
It was really sweet. It was so loving. And it’s like showing up wasn’t okay.
What can we all necessarily do for each other? It was just kindness and sweetness
and laughter and goodness.
And if we can show up like that in relationships where we’re willing to just
contribute connection and create that positive connection and laugh together and hear
each other. It’s such a sweetness. And so that’s what I want to invite you to look
at in life is exactly that. And by the way, this may seem simple on some levels,
but so often people are in their own patterns there. You know, maybe their husband
or wife shows up from work and they’re, uh, oh, I’m angry today or I’m this today
today or I’m that today or I’m you know oh I have to do this and I’m overwhelmed
by that and I’m overwhelmed so a lot of times people are so much in their own
stuff that to then stop and just be love and be happy or contribute happiness or
playfulness is a valuable and invaluable contribution to connection and so food for
thought on how you can do this because that can also contribute to their life and
also to your life, your health, your happiness and of course loving life which is
part of what we’re talking about in this big picture is not wanting meditation to
just check out but instead creating love, creating connection, loving life,
falling in love with life, creating that energy and embodying that. So those are the
insights that I wanted to share with you today and the rest of this session we’ll
listen to on next week’s episode. So I’m gonna break it into three pieces because
it’s just it’s a longer session and so just breaking that in and there’s additional
insights that are just really powerful and can create a shift in your life and so
please do take a moment see how you can apply it to your own life and please do
take a quick moment to hit the share button on this episode you know share with
somebody you love somebody you care about or somebody you don’t even know because
the more that every single person is happy and healthy and loved and loving the
better this world is for all of us and so Please do make a point to hit the
share button, and please do make a point to have a most wonderful, incredible rest
of your day. And I look forward to connecting with you on the next episode. We’ll
see you there.
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Thank you for listening to heal yourself, change your life. All of the time people
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all capable of. And of course each volunteer will really need to follow through to
reinforce their programming to maintain their results. But the point is for you to
see that you really can create rapid results in your health and your life if you
really understand how to use your mind. You’re incredible. And I do want to be
clear though that most people will not get results this fast on their own.
I make it look very easy because of the discoveries that I made. You’ll want to
remember that there’s so much more going on in our minds at a deeper level than
people realize. That said, if you want to send me any questions or comments, come
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you won’t want to avoid your doctors. Instead, you’ll want to continue seeing them
and make it your goal to blow their minds with what you’re capable of with your
mind. Thank you.
